Loneliness is one of the hardest parts of breast cancer – and is one of the least talked about.
It’s not the kind of loneliness that comes from being physically alone, although women experience that too. Instead, it’s the type of loneliness that settles deep in your heart. The kind that makes you feel like no one really understands what you’re going through.
And it’s true.
In this post, we’ll explore why loneliness can linger even when you’re surrounded by people who care, and offer practical, faith-filled ways to reconnect with God, with others, and with hope.
Loneliness Isn’t Always About Being Alone
When we hear the word lonely, we often picture someone sitting by themselves. But that’s not always what loneliness looks like.
Instead, loneliness can look like:
- Lying awake at 2 am while everyone is sleeping and wondering what your recent scan will show.
- Hearing someone say, “You look great!” while inside you’re feeling exhausted, afraid, and dealing with the side effects of your recent treatment.
- Wondering where God is—feeling disconnected from Him and struggling with questions you don’t know how to ask.
Loneliness happens at different times and in different ways. You can have a strong support system of family and friends while still feeling lonely. You could be constantly surrounded by people and still experience it.
That’s because loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone. You can also experience emotional or spiritual aloneness. And it can show up anytime – during your appointments, treatments, after treatment ends, follow-up scans, late at night, or any moment of any day for any reason.
If you don’t feel you have a strong support system, check out this post: Facing Breast Cancer Alone: Finding Strength When You Have Little or No Support
Why Breast Cancer Can Feel So Lonely
Others Can’t Fully Understand – Even the most loving family members and friends haven’t experienced what you have. They love you and care for you deeply, but they can’t fully understand what you’re going through.
People Eventually Return to Their Normal Lives – As time goes on, even if you’re still receiving treatment or learning to be a cancer survivor, the support you receive from family and friends can wane. At some point, they may feel like the worst is over for you and they return to their normal lives. Meanwhile, your world may still revolve around cancer.
You May Hide Your True Feelings – Sometimes in an attempt to be brave, or to protect our friends and family, we don’t express our true feelings. We don’t want them to worry, or we feel pressure from them to stay strong or positive, so we pretend we’re doing better than we are. This can cause our support system to feel that their help isn’t needed, leaving us feeling even more misunderstood and isolated.
Your Identity Has Changed – You may feel different from the person you were before cancer. I know that’s true for me. I often think of my life as ‘BC’ and ‘AD’ (before cancer and after diagnosis). Breast cancer changed my life in so many ways, and I’m still discovering who I am.
But your friends and family may not notice or recognize those changes in you, which again leaves you feeling misunderstood.
Practical Ways to Overcome Loneliness in Your Breast Cancer Journey?
What Helps? I wish there were a simple answer. I wish I could tell you that loneliness disappears with the right Bible verse, enough positive thinking, or a magic pill. I haven’t found that to be the case, and I doubt you will either.
But I’ve found ways that have helped me greatly lessen the loneliness in my breast cancer journey.
Be Honest About How You’re Feeling
I read somewhere that loneliness is feeling alone in your pain. If that’s true, then telling someone you trust how you truly feel will help lessen the pain.
Replace “I’m fine” with a truthful answer when appropriate. Not everyone needs to know how you feel, but be honest with those you know are truly interested in knowing what you’re going through. Someone you trust and who will support your feelings, even though they may not fully understand.
Connect With Other Breast Cancer Survivors
Finding others who are going through or have gone through breast cancer can be so helpful in feeling less alone. Look for local support groups in your area, search for online survivor communities, or find church-based cancer ministries.
Continue Participating in Life
It can be difficult to get back into the social life. You feel different from how you did before, often both physically and mentally. But it’s so important to get out and be with others.
Accept invitations when you feel able. Go to events that interest you. Enjoy time with family and friends.
Serve Others in Small Ways
Encourage other cancer survivors. Call, write notes, or send messages to someone you’re thinking about. Pray for someone else. Thinking about others can often help diminish loneliness.
Seek Professional Help
If loneliness begins to overwhelm you, if you are feeling withdrawn from your family and friends, disconnected, often anxious or sad, or believe you must carry everything yourself, please seek professional help.
Your Oncology social worker can provide you with help and information. You can also find out if there are survivorship programs available locally, as well as counseling and faith-based therapists.
Seek God’s Help
What has helped me more than any of the other ways listed above is sitting quietly with God and telling Him exactly how I’m feeling. So many times I’ve awakened in the middle of the night and poured my heart out to Him. And I’ve felt His presence and His peace.
Jesus Understands Loneliness. He understands what it feels like to be misunderstood and alone. He experienced grief, abandonment, and suffering. When you tell Him you’re lonely, you’re talking to someone who understands all you’re going through more than anyone else on earth.
Sitting quietly with the Lord reminds us He understands and we are never alone. He is with us every moment of every day. Even when we feel lonely, we are never truly alone.
I hope this post helps you find ways to overcome the loneliness of breast cancer. Which of these ways are you going to try, or what has worked for you? Please let us know in the comments below.
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