A breast cancer diagnosis is overwhelming under any circumstance, but it’s especially frightening when you don’t have a spouse, nearby family, or close friends to lean on.
If you are facing breast cancer alone because you don’t have anyone living near you, or your friends and loved ones aren’t emotionally supportive, know that there’s hope. There are ways you can find the support you need during this difficult time.
But before we look at the ways to find support, let’s take a look at the emotional and physical challenges you may face during your breast cancer journey.
Challenges We Face When You Don’t Have a Strong Support System
Loneliness can feel as heavy as the diagnosis. Every step you take during your cancer journey is weighed down by fear, stress, and the enormity of what cancer treatment entails. Facing this burden alone can take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being.
Emotional Challenges of Going Through Treatment Alone
Fear: Fear can seem unbearable when there’s no one to share it with. It’s difficult to face appointments, treatments, and test results without someone by your side. Anxiety can wake you in the middle of the night or creep into your thoughts at any moment, affecting your emotional and physical health. (Check out this post with Bible verses for dealing with fear and anxiety)
Overwhelm: Making decisions about your treatment, managing medical decisions, paperwork, and daily responsibilities on your own can be daunting. Cancer treatment can seem like a full-time job, and without help, you’ll be putting in a lot of overtime.
Loneliness: Every breast cancer patient experiences loneliness. Everyone around you continues to live their lives, while yours feels interrupted with appointments, tests, treatments, and side effects. You miss having someone to share your difficult moments with. This leaves you feeling isolated, forgotten, or invisible.
Exhaustion: Cancer treatments are exhausting enough, but carrying the emotional and physical responsibilities of your everyday life can feel unbearable.
Practical Challenges of Going Through Treatment Alone
Getting to Appointments: There can be times during treatments and procedures when you can’t drive. Finding and scheduling reliable transportation to and from these appointments can be difficult.
Managing Daily Responsibilities: Going through breast cancer is draining, leaving you little or no energy to do your normal daily routines, such as grocery shopping, meal preparation, or housework. If you have children or pets, their needs must also be met.
Financial Concerns: Time away from work and treatment costs, in addition to your everyday expenses, are financial challenges you deal with as a cancer patient.
Managing Medical Decisions Alone: There are so many decisions that you have to make when going through cancer. Your oncology team will share their opinions on which treatments are best for you and provide information to help you make a decision. However, you are the one who has to decide what direction to take.
Finding the Support You Need During Your Cancer Journey.
You are not alone.
Remember, even though you feel alone, God is with you every minute of the day. He knows exactly how you feel.
Jesus understands your loneliness. He experienced abandonment, isolation, and disappointment in others. He understands what it feels like to be alone. But He reminds us that even in the loneliest moments, “I am not alone, for my Father is with me.” John 16:32.
And He’s with you too. The Lord wants to be your #1 support source during this time. He is enough, and He will provide everything you need during this difficult time. He knows your needs before you even need them. And He will also lead others to help you.
When I was going through treatment, I was surprised at the lack of support I received from some of my closest friends and family. Those I thought would be there for me weren’t. But I was equally amazed by the wonderful people who came into my life during that time. People I barely knew or didn’t know at all who offered their support.
And the Lord will do the same for you, too. You only need to ask. He will strengthen you, He will give you peace, and He will guide you to the people you need if you will let Him.
It’s Okay to Ask for Help
I’ve always had trouble asking for help. I was reluctant to ask for help during my treatment because I felt that asking for help was a sign of weakness. I didn’t want others to know that I wasn’t strong enough to handle my own problems. And I didn’t want to inconvenience them. So, I didn’t ask for help most of the time, and I often didn’t accept help when it was offered. But I realized in my breast cancer journey that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness and that accepting help requires courage and humility.
Accept Help When It’s Offered
People often want to help but don’t know how. If someone asks what they can do to help you, give them a specific task you need done. That way they know exactly what you need.
I read somewhere that when you accept help from others, you receive a blessing, and the person offering it also receives a blessing. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’ve always enjoyed helping others. Why didn’t I realize sooner that when I turned down a request to help, I robbed them of the same enjoyment I received in helping someone?
Building Your Support System
Looking at the challenges listed at the beginning of this post, what are some challenges you are currently facing with your breast cancer journey? Write down these specific needs.
Examples:
- A ride to treatment.
- Picking up groceries.
- Someone to sit with you during an appointment.
- Walking the dog.
- Preparing a meal.
Once you have your list of needs created, think about who could help you meet those needs. Be sure to think beyond your family.
Examples:
- Friends
- Neighbors
- Coworkers
- Church Members
- Community Organizations
Next, muster up the courage to reach out to them and ask if they can help you with one of your needs. For example, ask your next-door neighbor if they could take your trash can to the curb for the next few weeks while you’re going through surgery and recovery. You’re more likely to receive a yes if you ask them to do something that requires a smaller time commitment than something that will require weeks of their time.
Instead of asking someone to accompany you to all of your appointments, perhaps ask 5 different friends to take you to one appointment each. Remember, these aren’t family or best friends who might take you to all your appointments if they were available. These are people you know more as acquaintances. They can be people you go to church with, people you work with but rarely see outside of work, neighbors you wave hello to as you weed your garden or check your mail.
More Ways to Build Your Support System When You Don’t Have One
Speak With Your Oncology Team
There’s a good chance that your Oncology Department has someone you can speak to about help with your needs. Many centers have:
- Oncology social workers
- Patient navigators
- Financial counselors
- Cancer support groups
- Volunteer organizations within your cancer clinic
Connect with Support Groups
There are support groups available; you just need to locate them. A quick Facebook search can provide you with:
- Local breast cancer groups
- Online Survivor communities
- Faith-Based Support Groups
Reach Out to Your Church
Many churches have care ministries, meal trains, transportation volunteers, or prayer teams.
If you don’t have a church home, consider contacting a local congregation to ask about available support.
Don’t Forget your Family and Friends who Don’t Live Near You
Just because a family member or friend lives in another state or across the country doesn’t mean they can’t help you during this time. Having someone to talk with, even if they’re miles away, can be a tremendous help during this time. Reach out to your family and friends. They may want to help but feel helpless due to the long distance between you.
Be Your Own Best Support
Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. Make taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually your number one priority.
Take care of yourself physically
Your body is doing hard work. Make sure you are eating well and getting plenty of rest.
Simplify Your Daily Life
Don’t overdo it. Let some tasks wait. Don’t try to do everything you are used to doing. Focus on what is essential right now and let everything else go for now.
And if there is an easier way to accomplish an essential task, take advantage of it. Use grocery delivery or meal services if available. Hire someone to clean your house, if you’re able to.
Simplifying your life will give you more energy for healing. (Check out this post for more info on simplifying your life during your breast cancer journey)
Protect your emotional health
Journal your thoughts. Spend time in prayer. Listen to uplifting music. Read a good book or watch a funny movie.
Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed with the entire cancer journey. Focus only on the steps you are taking today.
Celebrate small victories. Remember every treatment completed is one step closer to healing. And every difficult day you survive is evidence of your resilience.
There is so much that can lower your spirits during cancer treatments. Focusing on encouraging, uplifting, positive things can keep your emotional health in balance. (Check this post for more information on uplifting ideas for beating the cancer blues)
Remember, You Are Not Alone
Going through breast cancer treatment without a strong support system is one of the hardest challenges you can face. But it doesn’t mean you have to carry this burden alone. There is help available. Seek support where you can, accept help when it’s offered, and give yourself grace on those difficult days.
And remember, even in your loneliest moments, you’re not alone. You’re not forgotten. God knows your name. He sees every tear and promises to walk with you through every appointment, every treatment, and every situation.
How are you handling a lack of support in your cancer journey? Please share in the comments.
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