Nothing prepared me for how to deal with survivor’s guilt as a breast cancer survivor. I’d heard of survivor’s guilt but assumed it occurred in soldiers who survived a battle when their buddies didn’t. Or for the sole survivor of a plane or car crash. To feel guilty for surviving cancer when someone else didn’t was unexpected for me.
My first experience with survivor’s guilt was when I heard my cancer buddy was entering hospice. My mind screamed, “No, this isn’t fair! We prayed for each other, messaged one another, and celebrated our successes. We were going to cancer together!”
Then, a big question came to my mind: “Why him and not me? Why did he and his wife have to go through this when my husband and I were celebrating my diagnosis of No Evidence of Disease?”
I struggled with this question and the corresponding survivor’s guilt for months after his death. Sure, my brain recognized we had different cancers, that our treatments were different, and that there were no medical comparisons between our situations. However, Emotionally and spiritually, I struggled to find the answer to an even bigger question.
“Why did God heal me and not him?”
I searched for these mental, emotional, and spiritual answers, and while I’m sure there are more reasons, these are the ones that helped me release my feelings of survivor’s guilt. I hope they will be helpful to you as well.
How to Mentally Cope with Survivor’s Guilt
Our brains can acknowledge why some of us make it while others don’t. Mentally, we can accept the reasons why we can’t compare our cancer journey to anyone else’s. Here are a few reasons why:
- According to the Cancer Research UK, there are at least 200 forms of cancer with many subtypes. Even if you both have breast cancer, it doesn’t mean you have the same form or subtype.
- Even if you had identical cancers, your bodies aren’t the same, and the way you react to the medications won’t be the same. Your tumor may respond to chemotherapy, while someone else’s may not respond as well. Also, so many factors in our bodies control whether our treatment is successful.
- Your oncology team may be different, your treatment may be different, and the stage of your cancer may be different.
In other words, there are so many ways your cancer journey differs from everybody else. And honestly, you already know this because survivor’s guilt comes more from our emotional and spiritual sides than from our mental side.
How to Emotionally and Spiritually Overcome Survivor’s Guilt as a Breast Cancer Survivor
As I mentioned before, I struggled emotionally and spiritually with survivor’s guilt after the death of my cancer buddy. I searched the Bible, looking for answers. The verses I found helped me find the peace and assurance I needed to overcome my survivor’s guilt as a breast cancer survivor.
Only God Knows How Long We Will Live
The Lord who made the heavens and earth created us. He knew the number of years we would be on this earth before we were born. None of us know when our last day on earth will be. God has a perfect and precise time for each one of us.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 KJV
You saw me as an embryo, and in your book all my days were written down – the days that were made for me before any of them existed. Psalm 139:16
You have determined how long we shall live – the number of months, a time limit on our lives. Job 14:5
These verses gave me comfort, reminding me that someone else’s death from cancer has nothing to do with my cancer journey. When I realized this and accepted it as truth, I was able to release the survivor’s guilt I felt.
God has a Special Purpose for our Lives
The second truth I learned in my search to eliminate my survivor’s guilt is that the Lord has a plan and purpose for each of our lives.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 ESV
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
We don’t know the plans and purposes the Lord has for our lives and the lives of others. But as Christians, we can take comfort in knowing that God loves us and will care for us. Both now and after death.
We Have a Hope and a Future
Finally, as I searched for answers, the Lord reminded me death isn’t the end. As Christians, we have hope and a future even after our death. That’s because being absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.
And while I can mourn the passing of my friend, I can also rejoice that he is free of pain and with the Lord.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; neither will there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore. The first things have passed away. Revelation 21:4 ESV
As far as I’m concerned, living is for Christ, and dying brings gain. 22) But if I’m to go on living here and this would be productive, then I really don’t know what’s best to choose. Phil 1:21-22
As I say, we are confident, wanting to be away from the body so we can be at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8
Jesus replied, “I promise you today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:43
Positive Actions You Can Take Today to Help Overcome Survivor’s Guilt as a Breast Cancer Survivor
Here are some steps you can take to lessen your grief and eliminate survivor’s guilt.
Study the Bible Verses Listed Above – Spend time reading the verses I’ve listed above. Meditate on these verses and ask God to reveal His truths through them. Look at different translations for more insight. Read them over and over. Memorize them. You may also want to print them out so you see them often during the coming weeks and months to remind yourself of God’s faithfulness.
Thank God – Take some time to thank God for all He has done. Praise Him for who He is. Express your gratitude to Him for all the blessings in your life and family. And thank him for the opportunity to have known your friend.
Express Your Feelings, Grief, and Struggles with Survivor’s Guilt – Tell the Lord how you feel. Ask him to help you with the grief, pain, and battle you’re having with survivor’s guilt. Give it all to Jesus and allow him to heal your emotional wounds.
Seek His Purpose – As long as you’re on this earth, God has a purpose and plan for your life. Do you know what His plan and purpose for your life is? I encourage you to pray, meditate, and study the Bible daily so that He can reveal His plans for you. God has a way of showing His purpose for you a little at a time, day by day, or even moment by moment. Strive to live in a way where you hear His still, small whispers throughout the day. Then, act on what He prompts you to do.
I hope this post helps you cope with your survivor’s guilt as a breast cancer survivor. If it has, please share this with others on Pinterest and Facebook.
And if you’d like more hope-filled Bible verses, be sure to check out my Favorite Bible Verses on Hope and Healing post.
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